You Can’t Control the Weather, Karen
There is a certain moment in adulthood when you might realize you have accidentally taken on the role of Project Manager of the Universe. Not because anyone asked you to. Not because you applied. But because the human brain has the subtlety of a caffeinated squirrel with a clipboard.
People exhaust themselves trying to control the uncontrollable, then wonder why life feels like a pressure cooker. Bloodshot eyes. Steam coming out of their ears. It reminds me of my grandma’s pressure cooker going full tilt, the little valve cover whistling while I hid behind the refrigerator.
We grip the wheel, tighten our shoulders, and try to control outcomes we never had control over in the first place. It is the emotional equivalent of standing outside, shaking your fist at a thunderstorm, yelling, “Not today, clouds.”
Trying to control the uncontrollable gives the illusion of safety while guaranteeing exhaustion.
Why Do We Even Try?
The human brain was built for one job: prevent danger.
Which means it constantly whispers:
• Predictability equals safety
• Certainty equals survival
• Anything uncertain must be managed or tamed
This ancient wiring shows up in modern life, so when we feel afraid or unsure, our instinct is to grip tighter. Tighter on outcomes. Tighter on people. Tighter on the future. Tighter on the imaginary script where everything goes perfectly and we are not judged.
The problem is simple. Tightening the grip on what we cannot steer only increases the panic.
It is like pressing harder on the gas pedal of a car that is not even turned on.
If stress had a loyalty program,
half the world would have platinum status.
Get this and life gets simple:
Things you have full control over
Your thoughts, feelings, reactions, choices.Things you have influence over
How you communicate, show up, treat others, and participate (you cannot control how others respond or behave).Everything else
You have zero control here.
It is the weather. And Karen, you cannot control the weather.
The Thought Spirals That Prove the Point
Let’s normalize the circus our minds run on.
Spiral One
“What if they don’t like me when I meet the family?”
They might not. And guess what still rises tomorrow? The sun. Not your blood pressure.
Spiral Two
“What if I mess up this presentation?”
You might. Humans stumble. No one has ever died from mispronouncing a word in front of coworkers.
Spiral Three
“What if I make the wrong move or disappoint someone who has zero authority over my life?”
Congratulations. You just tried to control the emotional weather forecast of thirty people.
We all do this. It is part of the human comedy.
Life does not get overwhelming because the world is chaotic. Life gets overwhelming because we misplace our energy. Most people focus on what bothers them instead of what they can affect. They let these thoughts ruminate longer than a cow chewing cud. That mismatch fuels burnout, anxiety, and the low-level tension people treat as normal.
When you spend any real time in category three, panic arrives. It drains the energy needed for what actually is influenceable. This is not weakness. This is wiring. The brain scans for threat and tries to reduce the unknown. Control feels like protection, but the brain does not know the difference between real danger and imagined danger.
You send a message to your boss and get no reply for thirty minutes!
Your mind: They are mad. I messed up. My whole future is collapsing.
Reality: They are in a meeting.
- Your brain creates a fire drill without a single spark.
When uncertainty hits, the mind shifts into planning, fixing, micromanaging, or what-if mode. Predictability feels like safety. Certainty feels like control. Control feels like survival. It is a reflex, not a flaw.
But most modern fears are outside our reach. Other people’s choices. Outcomes we cannot steer. Timing we cannot force. Situations we cannot fully influence. Yet the brain still tries to take the wheel, like driving through lake effect snow in Northern New York.
The tighter the grip, the more pressure builds. You scan for everything that could go wrong. You anticipate every angle. You try to outrun uncertainty. And your body treats all of it as danger. That is why people end up exhausted, foggy, and overwhelmed.
We are not tired from living. We are tired from trying to control what cannot be controlled.
The Pressure Cooker Effect
When someone tries to control a person, situation, or outcome, the same pattern shows up:
• Hypervigilance
• What-if spirals
• Imagined dangers
• Seeing uncertainty as threat
• Loss of joy, presence, creativity, humor
• Burnout
Creativity gets hijacked. Imagination turns against you. The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde effect in your own head.
And we all fall into it. Ever stood in the grocery store, picked the “fast” lane, and ended up behind someone paying with a gallon bag of loose coins?
Your brain fires off commentary.
Why did I choose this lane.
Why is this my life.
As if you have power over cashiers, coin jars, and the entire checkout ecosystem. Some things simply are not yours to manage.
If you are mentally exhausted, it is rarely because life is too much.
It is usually because you are wrestling the wrong things.
When you stop pouring energy into what you cannot control, you free up bandwidth for what you can influence. That is where momentum builds. Clarity returns. Possibilities expand. Life becomes lighter, not because the world changed, but because you stopped fighting it.
The Shift That Changes Everything
When your lens says:
• I do what is mine to do
• I influence what I can
• The rest is wasted stress
This is resilience in action.
This is reclaimed energy.
This is the moment life stops feeling like a pressure cooker and starts feeling breathable.
This is also the moment you get back minutes, hours, and days you have lost to things that were never yours to manage.
Because life gets a lot lighter when you stop trying to negotiate with the wind.
Sit with these:
• Where am I burning energy I will never get a return on?
• What am I trying to control that is not mine to control?
• What could shift if I redirected that energy into my actions and influence instead?
You may not control the weather, Karen, but you absolutely control how you show up in every season. And let's be honest, the universe never returns your emails anyway.
“To all the Karens out there, consider this a playful wink, I think you’re awesome.”
