Why Finding the Problem Feels Safer Than Finding the Solution

Welcome to the O.R.
No Incisions Required.

Most people do not wake up trying to be difficult. This behavior is rarely intentional. For many, it becomes a habit. A reflex that shows up as two familiar words:

Yes, but…

“Yes, but…” is the adult version of crossing your arms and refusing to get in the car. It feels protective, reasonable even. But what often feels like self-preservation quietly shuts down possibility.

For some people, finding the problem feels safer than finding the solution. Safety is quiet. Safety does not ask you to raise your hand. Presenting a solution, on the other hand, comes with risk. Risk of being wrong. Risk of being seen. Risk of having to do more. Risk of being judged.

Finding the problem keeps your hands clean.
Solutions get fingerprints on them.

There are two very different ways people respond to uncertainty. For some, halting movement feels safer. For others, slowing down long enough to understand is what allows progress to continue. One mode shuts things down. The other keeps things moving with intention.

These two modes are driven by very different questions.
One asks, What could go wrong?
The other asks, What could we learn?

Not every proposed solution comes to fruition, and that is not the point. Proposing a solution and staying curious creates motion. Motion creates information. And information is what actually moves work, teams, and people forward.

Most people did not choose these patterns consciously. They were shaped by experience. A child who raised their hand and was laughed at. An employee who offered an idea and was immediately shut down. Over time, the body learns when it is safer to speak and when it is safer to stay quiet.

I once found myself in a conversation about people who constantly find excuses instead of solutions. We both agreed:

“It’s exhausting.”

The constant defending drains everyone involved. The person shutting the conversation down. The person being shut down. Both are operating from protection, not progress. Both leave the room more tired than when they walked in.

Exhaustion is often the signal that threat-based thinking has taken over.

Curiosity drives momentum.
Excuses shut it down.

Leaders know this. And yet, many still shut down growth in their drive to achieve it. Ideas are dismissed before clarifying questions are asked. Speed is mistaken for progress.

Whether you are leading a team or navigating change on the front lines, the urge to resist is universal.

There is one simple question that keeps momentum and growth alive.

“Tell me more.”

It does not mean agreement. It does not mean endorsement. It simply means curiosity has not shut the door yet. “Tell me more” keeps the nervous system out of threat mode long enough for understanding to catch up. Try it the next time you feel resistance rising. ‘Tell me more’ buys you time to understand before you decide. It keeps judgment from rushing the conversation.

When this question is skipped, leaders believe they are saving time. In reality, they are trading short-term speed for long-term stagnation. Ideas do not disappear when dismissed. They go underground. Momentum fades quietly.

And this is not just a leadership tool. It is a personal one.

For employees at any level, change can feel imposed. New systems. New processes. New expectations. The instinct is to cross your arms internally and start listing why it will not work.

“Yes, but…”

That reflex may feel protective, but it is limiting. When change is inevitable, resistance does not preserve stability. It preserves frustration. During change, concerns can be valid. The question is how to make those concerns heard in a way that improves the outcome rather than just expressing discomfort.

The most overlooked career skill is not expertise. It is adaptability. The willingness to stay curious when the environment shifts instead of becoming the person who always sees the problem.

Organizations invest in people who can see obstacles and help navigate them.

Change is coming whether you like it or not.
The only real decision is how you show up when it does.

You can shut it down with Yes, but…
Or stay in the conversation with Tell me more.

One keeps your hands clean.
The other keeps you moving.

One posture stalls progress.
The other creates it.

You’ve been in the O.R.
No incisions required.
Perspective adjusted.

Now notice what happens when you choose motion.

If this resonated, I would like to hear how.
Motion begins when we engage.